Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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