Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
