Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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