Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
