my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
