woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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