so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize