So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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