dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
