no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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