"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
