He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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