i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
