Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
