i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
