i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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