Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
