Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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