got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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