he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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