I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
