Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
