I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
