We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
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WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
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There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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