Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
