How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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