I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize