I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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