She tied me up with her honor cords...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
