I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
