I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
