now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
