I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
