Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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