lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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