I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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