OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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