I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
