Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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