you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She's the barista slut.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
