At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
