we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
