first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
