well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
