Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
