Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize