Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
