she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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