You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
