they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
