I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
