You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
