this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
