Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹ï¸
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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