I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
