there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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