I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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