420 ftw
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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