He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
