did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize