He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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