She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
