did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I faked an abortion last night.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
