dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
a search helicopter?!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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