so that wasnt chicken after all
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
