idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
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Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
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Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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