Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize