Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
When are your genitals available?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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