he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
