no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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