Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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