I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
