My Higher Power is John Stamos
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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