all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
