I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
