like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
