did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
