After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
