Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
