eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I have aggressive nipples.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
