So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
