Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
