So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
