The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
