my vag is so smooth its legendary
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
